Day 2,101

My Jamie always comes back to me, no matter how many times I kill him I know I'll open the front door the next morning and he'll be waiting there with a bunch of flowers and that sad, apologetic smile. I didn't used to mind it at all but now I'm old and tired and he's the same young man he's been for forty seven years.

The first time he died I was a wreck for months - utterly inconsolable and now I'd give anything for him to rest and stay at rest. I haven't been able to have a life since he started coming back from the dead. All I think about is how to give him a peaceful and eternal sleep and my own life never got to amount to anything.

I'll be retiring soon which means I'll be able to devote the rest of my life to ending his. Maybe if I die then he'll have no reason to come back but at this point I don't want to even think about spending an afterlife with him too. I can't even bring myself to feel angry any more.

I'm just so very tired.