I used to only see her in my dreams, her body shriveled, limp and hovering like a month-old helium balloon. What I remembered most was the look in her eyes, that cold accusatory glare like I'd done something unspeakable to her and I couldn't understand why she hated me so much until I saw her face in the local newspaper.
They were running a story on the anniversary of her death and appealing for witnesses. Seeing her looking so alive, so happy and normal sent such a sharp bolt of panic and guilt through me that I collapsed, heaving and sobbing as I slowly remembered her and how I left her to die.
We were such close friends back then, we'd spend every free moment together in the woods that separated our houses. In those days your parents happily sent you out into the world and expected you to come home a little worn around the edges. Our parents didn't even know we were friends - they still don't.
It happened one evening when we were about to head back for dinner and got distracted by a deer that ran past us. She wanted to run after it so we did, thoughtless and carefree as children are until a shot rang out and sent us scampering in the opposite direction.
Right into a bunch of old bear traps.
The first caught her ankle, then as she fell one crushed her knee, then her hand, then her arm, then her stomach and finally her throat. She tried to speak but only blood came out and I ran away like I didn't even know her. She was found by the same man who shot the deer we'd been chasing and he was charged with her murder by careless trap placement.
Every night since she appeared in my dreams somewhere, slowly distorting in my memories til she was nothing but a monster. Seeing her old school photo though, seeing her as my childhood best friend again broke my heart like nothing else could.
I know she'll be back to see me when I sleep tonight and I think this time will be the last.
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