20190814

Day 1,803

Vampires are the end result of leeches deciding they want to be people-shaped. They look the part too - no visible eyes, just parts of their head that are more light sensitive, heavily segmented skin that makes them look like something from a worm's nightmare and, of course, the infamous mouth.

Did you know they have three sets of jaws in their weird, puckered looking mouths? They can pierce the skin of a hippo like it was made of mashed potato so it's no wonder that they make people a little nervous. That and their tendency to start leaning towards you if you stop near them.

They can't necessarily help it, they're attracted to heat and fear makes people awfully hot under the collar. The more they panic, the more they sweat and you'd better believe a vampire can taste that salt in the air, jaws clicking together like they're savouring the scent of a fine perfume.

At least the old stories got one thing right - they hate garlic. It's one of those overwhelmingly strong odours that sends them packing in seconds, unfortunately it has a similar effect on people but it solves half the problem... sort of.

Vampires leave us be for the most part. They prefer to feed on animals or consenting adults or whatever won't try to sue them for getting within half a mile of their personal space. There's always a few that prefer the old ways, stalking about at night and leaving shrivelled husks in their wake.

After all, they can eat up to five times their body weight in a single sitting.

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