I'll never forget the day Grandad died because I helped.
I was barely seven at the time and I didn't even understand what happened that day until I was much older. If I'd have known I would never have told Grandad that there was someone waiting for him outside, I would have just locked the backdoor and begged to go to the shops with him instead.
For all I know death would have followed us there and taken a different form but I would at least have tried to delay it. I know we all have our intended time and we'll all go eventually but I just wish I could have saved him a few more minutes.
What actually happened was the arrival of a strange-looking narrowboat in the river that ran behind my grandparent's house. There was usually one or two of them a day, retired folk touring the canals or family holidays, but this one was different.
It had no name on the side and was painted a dark, rich blue that reminded me of the deepest parts of the ocean you see in documentaries. The captain wore a black fleece jacket, regular worn jeans and no shoes. That's what stood out the most - his pale bony feet.
I thought he must have been so cold and miserable but he slowed the boat to a stop and smiled at me. He asked if my Grandad was home and told me to go grab him. "He's been expecting me for a while so be a good lad and fetch him out, would ya?"
And I did just that, not realising who I'd been speaking to. Just like I didn't realise Grandad's coughing, tiredness and long hospital visits were because he had cancer. Just like I didn't realise that Grandad never really got better, he just started easing his way into a slow death and I helped him to the end point.
He wasn't surprised to see the man on the boat, he just went aboard without a peep. The captain helped him up, smiling all the while like he was reuniting with an old friend. Grandad turned and looked back at me when he'd gotten comfortable standing beside the strange man.
He told me that everything was fine, he was only going downriver to visit Granny. He said I needed to call the police, tell them he was in the livingroom and that he was gone, and wait outside. Then the unnamed narrowboat pulled away, sailing downriver until it seemed to vanish into a mist I never noticed rolling in.
I was barely seven at the time and I didn't even understand what happened that day until I was much older. If I'd have known I would never have told Grandad that there was someone waiting for him outside, I would have just locked the backdoor and begged to go to the shops with him instead.
For all I know death would have followed us there and taken a different form but I would at least have tried to delay it. I know we all have our intended time and we'll all go eventually but I just wish I could have saved him a few more minutes.
What actually happened was the arrival of a strange-looking narrowboat in the river that ran behind my grandparent's house. There was usually one or two of them a day, retired folk touring the canals or family holidays, but this one was different.
It had no name on the side and was painted a dark, rich blue that reminded me of the deepest parts of the ocean you see in documentaries. The captain wore a black fleece jacket, regular worn jeans and no shoes. That's what stood out the most - his pale bony feet.
I thought he must have been so cold and miserable but he slowed the boat to a stop and smiled at me. He asked if my Grandad was home and told me to go grab him. "He's been expecting me for a while so be a good lad and fetch him out, would ya?"
And I did just that, not realising who I'd been speaking to. Just like I didn't realise Grandad's coughing, tiredness and long hospital visits were because he had cancer. Just like I didn't realise that Grandad never really got better, he just started easing his way into a slow death and I helped him to the end point.
He wasn't surprised to see the man on the boat, he just went aboard without a peep. The captain helped him up, smiling all the while like he was reuniting with an old friend. Grandad turned and looked back at me when he'd gotten comfortable standing beside the strange man.
He told me that everything was fine, he was only going downriver to visit Granny. He said I needed to call the police, tell them he was in the livingroom and that he was gone, and wait outside. Then the unnamed narrowboat pulled away, sailing downriver until it seemed to vanish into a mist I never noticed rolling in.
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