I never seem to have any luck when it comes to dating. They're either assholes, no-shows or worse - they straight up die somewhere along the date and I'm left explaining to yet more cops that I had nothing to do with this death.
My last date really sealed the deal for me - I'm staying single for life and carrying industrial strength bug spray with me at all times. I mean he was a nice guy and all, probably one of the nicest I've dated thus far but the way he died was just too much.
So we're at this restaurant, something mid-bar level fancy and everything's going well. Except that something pale and... odd was poking out from his lips. At first I thought he had something stuck in his teeth but before I could mention it I heard a wet snap come from the back of his throat and he slowly slumped forwards.
I start freaking out, a waiter comes over and everyone's staring at us while several more pale strand-like things start coming out of his mouth and they're legs. They are several legs and his jaw starts making this weird creaking sound and it starts to crack and tear.
More and more of the legs come out followed by a flatish head and it's a fucking spider the side of my hand.
It eventually comes out properly and falls out of his mouth and onto the plate with a wet thud. Nobody says anything but the waiter grabs the champagne bucket and throws it over the spider before it has a chance to move.
Damned thing's slamming itself against the bucket whiled we're all just trying to process what just happened. I was the first to notice the next set of legs starting to emerge and that's when people started calling 911 like they could do anything about the already dead man who seemed to be full of spiders.
There wasn't any blood though.
That was the oddest thing for me.
My last date really sealed the deal for me - I'm staying single for life and carrying industrial strength bug spray with me at all times. I mean he was a nice guy and all, probably one of the nicest I've dated thus far but the way he died was just too much.
So we're at this restaurant, something mid-bar level fancy and everything's going well. Except that something pale and... odd was poking out from his lips. At first I thought he had something stuck in his teeth but before I could mention it I heard a wet snap come from the back of his throat and he slowly slumped forwards.
I start freaking out, a waiter comes over and everyone's staring at us while several more pale strand-like things start coming out of his mouth and they're legs. They are several legs and his jaw starts making this weird creaking sound and it starts to crack and tear.
More and more of the legs come out followed by a flatish head and it's a fucking spider the side of my hand.
It eventually comes out properly and falls out of his mouth and onto the plate with a wet thud. Nobody says anything but the waiter grabs the champagne bucket and throws it over the spider before it has a chance to move.
Damned thing's slamming itself against the bucket whiled we're all just trying to process what just happened. I was the first to notice the next set of legs starting to emerge and that's when people started calling 911 like they could do anything about the already dead man who seemed to be full of spiders.
There wasn't any blood though.
That was the oddest thing for me.
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